First Day

Do you remember your first day of college? I do. I know it hasn't been that long ago (only 10.5 years ago) but I remember it vividly. I remember what I wore. I remember the car I drove to class. I remember where I parked my car and walking to my 8 AM Chemistry class. I remember breaking into a sweat and starting to panic when I could not find the building for my Chemistry class. I remember stopping someone on the quad and asking them which building it was (I am sure they thought I was a moron). I remember losing my footing on the stairs and sliding down about five stairs in my sandals. I remember being so glad that I did not fall on my rear end when I did that.

I made it through my Chemistry class and as soon as class was over I went back to my grandmother's house (where I was living and where my parents were still were helping me get settled). I went to my room crying because I wanted to go back home. I had changed my mind... I didn't want to go college... I wanted to go back home. I couldn't do it. Fortunately my parents did not let me do that and I adjusted... and I loved college so much.

Well today I felt a little bit like that. I was not late and I did not get lost (well not really... I did overshoot and go down the wrong hall on my way to the bathroom). I made it through the day without crying and I did tell my boss that I would be back when he jokingly asked if I was coming back tomorrow. But there is some part of me that wanted to run back to my old job and see if they would take me back. Nothing went wrong particularly, in fact the day really went okay. I just don't like change.

For the better part of ten years I had become the expert in my office on everything. Well not everything... but I did know most everything that was going on in the office. And today I walked into a world where I know nothing. I mean absolutely nothing. There is not a single thing about my old job that translates to my new job... except my ability to use a telephone and a computer. Seriously. I guess I should feel flattered that they think I can learn the new information... but for today, I am a bit overwhelmed.

And I'm not going to run back to my old job. The people in my new job are very, very nice and they don't expect me to know things yet. They are going to help me learn them but for now I am just going to have to accept being the dumb blond who is lost in a fog.

Fortunately I do have a friend from church and from graduate school who has worked with this group for about two years. He came in my office/cubicle this afternoon and said "has anyone even explained what we do?" I just smiled and just shook my head no. He took me to his office and for about 45 minutes I felt like I was not a moron. He explained things so that I understood them and while I am sure I did not retain all of the terms he threw at me, I was very thankful for him taking the time to explain some things to me.

So I made it through the first day. I am going back for day two and hopefully I will make it to day three. :-) I will keep you posted.